Oh, the melancholy woes #500WED

Sometimes living in my mind is exhausting. I appreciate this mind when it generates words on a page for hours or when it can recall the name of a student I taught eight years ago. I do not appreciate this mind when it worries, obsesses, and procrastinates.

Though I love being around people and learning their stories, I am rather melancholy and introverted by nature. I try to subdue this side of me because for most people in my life, I am the positive force. I’m the one who turns their glass around so that it’s half full instead of half empty. But this can be so tiring.

Sometimes I just want to lie in bed and listen to Beck’s Sea Change album or pretty much anything by Coldplay or the Lumineers and let the moroseness overtake me. It’s not clinical depression of which I speak, it’s just my general personality type, and I don’t mind it so much. I’m just a person who enjoys being alone and having personal space, though of course, I don’t want that all of the time.

When my boys ask me to find a happy song on the iPod, and the peppiest ones I can find are If I had a Hammer by Peter, Paul, and Mary and Wild World by Cat Stevens, something may be awry. Lately, I’ve downloaded several upbeat pop songs. It’s not only good for their moods but mine as well.

In my opinion, being a deep thinker makes one a better writer and conversationalist, but it also makes a complicated mind, one that’s hard to constantly stimulate and fulfill.

Nevertheless, it is my mind, and I’ve grown accustomed to it. I’ve learned how to cope when it goes to to a melancholy place. Further, it makes the days where I feel giddy and happy all the better.

It’s my own secret yin and yang. The lightness and the darkness. The balance of scales. And I embrace it because sometimes, it takes opposing forces to make the best decisions and to ensure life is lived to its fullest.

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Dear Coffee #500WED

Writing Prompt: “I want you to write a love letter. Yes. A sappy, happy, loving letter to something or someone you love. I don’t care if it’s for your partner, your dog, or even cigarettes. I want you to write it as if you are a soldier at war and you are worried that these words of love will be the last the person or thing you love will ever see from you. Put your heart into it.” –Cecily Kellogg

Dear Coffee,

Throughout the years, I’ve humanized you. When nothing can get me out of the bed in the morning, you can. When nothing can make a day of shopping at the mall bearable, you can. When nothing can make a five hour stretch of interstate driving happy, you can.

When I have a million projects to work on, you can make me survive three hours at a coffee shop. You, my laptop, six manilla folders, an iPhone, a pen that may or may not work, and me. Just you, me, and all of those inanimate objects. Yet, somehow we manage.

During both pregnancies, I had to give you up. Twice! It was extraordinarily challenging, though you didn’t give up without a fight. Migraines ensued. Irritability took over. And overwhelming tiredness was commonplace. We were able to hang out for one tiny cup each morning, but come on! For a true coffee drinker, a proud coffee drinker, that’s like mocking me right to my face. If we can’t enjoy at least three cups together, what’s the point?

Once my little Monkeys popped out, I wasn’t looking forward to sushi or wine or mountain climbing. Oh, no, I just wanted a giant mug of strong, locally-roasted, well-brewed coffee. I wanted to sit back with my favorite mug and savor your flavor. And let me know tell you. When we finally reunited, I mean, really reunited, the feeling was indescribable. Remember? You know what I’m talking about.

You are a dear, dear friend, coffee. It’s gone beyond personifying; I do believe I consider you one of my best friends. A conversation seems better when you’re there. My brain is sharper when you are there. I’m more alert when you are there. I know you won’t let me down. Are these not the qualities of a best friend?

What do you need from me? Whatever it is, you know I’m here. I will love you, indulge in you, consume you. Always and forever.

Yours,

Susanna